Tuesday, August 31, 2004

cover up

you know, there's something fishy about those two jets crashing in russia.

i don't know what it is, but my spidey sense is saying cover-up. but what the hell do i care. its russia, and everytings damn crazy there.

no fair.

how come ms pooka has a better blog than me?
could it be that she's just plain more interesting than i am? i think i've received two comments in the time i've been posting this damn thing. and one of them was ms pooka!
still, considering the bile i've been holding back for a certain she who shall not be named, that's probably a good thing.
so, if you're reading this, feel free to use the 'comments' button below and write something to me.

Monday, August 30, 2004

hustings fever

so election has finally been called!! lets hear it for another three years without that lying little sonofabitch howard.
about time he got his come uppance.

mind you, there's every chance that there will be some major scandal to unseat the labours chances, such as a major terrorism scare, or some other factor. but, gifts like the tampa don't appear on the horizon every day.

unless engineered to.

maybe osama will be found just before the election. bush is relying on it, why shouldn't howard?

Saturday, August 28, 2004

must have run out of croissants

hows this for dedication to reality tv.


trawling v trolling

i think there's not actually any difference between the two words? who knows.
all that is certain is that trawling bars is not the fun it used to be. actually.... was it ever?

went out last night to catch up with marco and red. marco's dad passed away after a car wreck a week or so back, so it was good to see them both, find out how they're doing etc.
its always hard to find something positive about something like that, but it seems that something did! red, who is german, has never really been all that acceptable to marco's family and especially his mother. but, apparently all the aunties gave her the green light during the time the two of them were in mildura!
which is great. god knows they've been together for long enough now.

as for the trawling. what a pain in the ass. still, mostly that's becuse i am an old fart now. also, red/marco and marco's old mate vic (she) weren't good wingmen, although red did try and set me up with a very ordinary looking german bird.

no thanks!

Thursday, August 26, 2004

goddamnit james is right....

yup, this blog has rapidly descended into complete narcissism. all i ever talk about is myself!
orginally i was supposed to be recording images and ideas (i always regretted not having something like this up and running when i was ranting to the boys at la luna about there being no WMDs in iraq)
anyhow. today we're going to focus on the +ve. after a few weeks of being sad/angry i want to mention really good things about she who shall not be named.
1. i was always happy when i was around her. not in a skippy, silly way, just really content.
2. she cajoled me (whether wittingly or not) into seeing my brother, who i had sworn to never speak to again. something that was to pay of in a big way for him a month or two later.
3. for the briefest of times i actually believed and felt i was loved, even if in the end it was a beautiful lie. but hey, sometimes the beautiful lies are the best ones.
4. being this relaxed and happy i was able to confront other 'stuff' that's being hanging about for a few years.
did you know that i've never been able to really open up about howard? and i was able to confront for the first time that deep fear of being left behind.
maybe no-one but her or i will really ever known the extent of these two references. but in comparison with a particular ex who simply aggrevated these issues, she who shall not be named made a world of difference not made by others.
but that's what partnerships are all about, right?

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

lets hear it for closure

probably the very best advice i received recently was someone indicating to me that the break-up with "she who shall not be named" wasn't as bad as me calling her the hosebeast would imply. sure it was a shock when it came, but there's been no apparent slandering of my good name, no broken property, no punishing appearances in plaecs i frequent with new bo in tow.
so what in the hell am i whinging about?

good point.
i think the problem really was just the shock of finding out that i was on my own again, and for what seemed to be a fairly pointless series of excuses. as i've already said, she decided within 12 hours of getting back from malaysia that it was over, and started making excuses why it wouldn't work. now, the really troubling thing, the thing that really spun me out, was that she was doing this while she slept in my bed.
but, as i've no doubt already indicated the trip to sydney at the end of that week helped me relax a huge amount, and things have been mostly even keel since then, apart from the odd hissy fit (on my behalf) that the effort i was making to breathe life back into the partnership was being largely ignored in favour of a stubborn determination to let it suffocate.

and this means that i'm back to square one. i remember that the advice i was given before starting this whole phd exercise was a warning about the loneliness, a warning i have heeded ever since, and heard from several other people during the course of the past 5 1/2 years. and it is true.
apart from the punctuations of the several girlfriends i had during this time, its been a very solitary existence. and that to my mind was why i hung on so long even though i knew she was determined to let it go (although, my desire to act with that oh so sought after integrity meant i couldn't been seen to be giving up without a respectable fight is also a factor. i felt i had to do the right thing).

so, goodbye miss house. may you enjoy your life without me.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

the cult of personality

that destiny new zealand rally i saw reported as happening in wellington yesterday was really interesting., if not only because it makes me wonder just how far this sort of thing will go.
your usual commentators were making the comparisons to the rise of nazism blah blah blah, but when it boils down to it, that's very true. lets not forget that nazism was made possible by the repression of germans by the victors of WWI. people liked forming into parties that represented the new social values that were floating around in the early C20th.
so this leads me to ask, what kind of values are these people subscribing to? i think that its the new conservativism, that is trying to bring something like conformity and stability to values, and to undermine openess and relativity to a more limited idea of society.
what these god-botherers think is that they can tear down the tower of babel the mid-C20th reformers started to build. its also very relevant to what mfudwo was saying the other day, we need to understand how these guys are only interested in an us-them version of the politics of hate.
will have to keep and eye on it.

Monday, August 23, 2004

home sweet home

i was heading via the public transport to a friends yesterday for her 30th birthday. until you've suffered one of these things you'll never really know how painful they really are. its like mortality sneaks up and whacks you across the bridge of the nose on day. then when you're 30 and one week everything is fine again. so, i thought that i'd better take a lot of alcohol and be very funny to cheer her up.
anyhow, one thing that struck me was great the PT is here in melbourne. getting around auckland without a car is a nightmare and very expensive in time. here? sure it took me an hour, but it was sunday for christ's sake, and getting to st. kilda/windsor is a hassle even in a car. wellington wasn't too bad, but there's too little of the other great thing about melbourne, people and interesting stuff.
recently i've been thinking about maybe heading back to nzl after the study as finished. the thought has been bouncing around in my head for a few years now, and has been given new life by the hosebeast giving me the arse after she got back from morocco. but yesterday i was sitting on the train as it passed through the still being constructed and soon to be amazing spencer st station, and approaching flinders street when it struck me just how much i really love melbourne.
i mean, this really is a great city. then i was walking from windsor station to niamhs place smelled my first jasmine of the season. i love that stuff. summer is heading back again.
maybe i'll go home next winter.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

instinct

sorry to say this, on behalf of all of us i am very sorry.
my gut tells me that kerry is in fact a dead man walking, is is unlikely to win the US election unless a minor miracle of some sort happens.
another four years of that moron bush? great..... just what we need.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

too many dvds

so my collection of dvds seems to be outpacing my collection of music at an alarming rate.... is that a good or bad thing?
who cares! i got heaps of them and need never go to the video store ever again!!
reviews to follow!

Friday, August 20, 2004

tellin' it like it is

went to another seminar last night, this time to hear some people talk about the similarities between the independence movements in East Timor and West Saharan Africa. once again i was a little suspicious of it being completely boring, but went as a profile raising exercise. considering that i didn't actually talk to anyone other than nicole, a fellow politics geek who used to work at la luna, i was lucky that it wasn't an entire waste of time.
to be honest, i think one of the things that keeps me away from new zealand is the lack of access information and individuals of the sort who spoke last night. nz is great, but just has this feeling of being slightly outside the loop.
anyhow. mostly it was a lot of information i stashed under, "this might be useful one day, but probably not" and hid at the back of the the mental filing cabinet. there was one interesting speaker though.
kwame mfodwo is an african bloke from dunno where who didn't waste our time crapping on about similarities etc, but instead talked about the type of problems these places face because of the way "the left" isn't able to come up with any 'new' ways of looking at the same old problems. he used the question of the post-911 world, and the way in which the "politics of hate" is coming into play so much these days, and profoundly changing how and why people fight.
its an intteresting question, and something i think i i'll and nut out here a little more.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

"weird 70s sci-fi"

so this is how the housemate described my latest favourite set of dvds, the complete series of "Blakes 7". actually, the full sentence was, "watching weird 70s sci-fi is a good excuse for me to smoke some pot". and he did. and good on him.
i think the strangest thing about blakes7 is the way it's a band of 'misfits' roaming the universe and fighting against a 'totalitarian' government in "THE FEDERATION". blake and his team get about in their nifty ship and fight using methods that can only be called 'terrorism'. goes to show how much things chance in 30 years, ie completely.
the other thing that struck me is how dramatic the show is. everybody yells all the time, like its a play or something.
but damn that jenna is a posh hottie.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

student servers

so i went out with the old boss and a former chef of la luna, the bistro i worked in for most of last year. tell you what, i'm glad i don't work at that damn place anymore, sounds like its going to hell in a handbasket.
the former chef's wife works teaching service to a bunch of over-privileged youngsters at some vineyard out in the damn whoop-whoop, so we drove out there to check the place out. not too bad all things considered. the service was like being back in the mount again, but hey., they're 14-17 year olds who're there just for a little work experience. someone should tell them to relax and think about the customers first.
ah well, that's what being a teenager is all about right?
the highlight of the night was telling the old boss why leela and i broke up. hee hee. she was all curious so i made up an almost 100% fabrication. like all good lies it centres on a few small truths.
i started by saying that leela wouldn't sleep with me after she got back, so i was all suspicious. my concern was however founded when she had to start taking some really hefty medicine to combat whatever it was she'd picked up when she cheated in me in malaysia. hence, the three days when she really had food poisoning were from 'being knocked about by the anti-VD medication".
i think the really scarey thing was that the former boss, who's now leela's boss, swallowed it hook line and sinker!! at the end of the night i had to point out that it was all a compete fabrication. no point letting a rumour like that get out, it would undo all my hard work of the past few years of making myself into a man of integrity.
the only reall downer to the night was finding out what she's been saying about me. can you believe that she's telling people that i lost interest in her? its getting to the point that i think i can't actually believe a single word she said to me, at all. she offered me her ex boyfriend's phone number to talk with him the other week. i'm thinking of getting it and checking her story about what was happening last december.

Monday, August 16, 2004

and another thing

in regard to yesterdays post, i think the idea should be knocked up into a publicaddress post, although with russell galavanting around the US i dunno how that is going to go.
anyhow, i thought more about the new indigenous idea, and it does smack of nationalism, but a particular type of nationalism linked to the pakeha community, kind of like a way to justify their ongoing attachment to the country.
more importantly though, it seems like a way to give them equal status with maori? by claiming a form of indigeneity, pakeha are fortifying their position as another variety of tangata whenua. which brings me back to another question about what claim will maori culture and society have to governmental belonging in a society in which they exhibit no significant disparity? what then will underpin their claims defending their culture?
tricky one.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

old news

so this tendency to equate growing up in a place with a deep and spiritual bond with the land is interesting to me.
i was running the housemate thru a fw first-year tutorial type drills yesterday to see what he thought about the idea of attachment to the place he grew up and its curious that he coudln't identify why he has a bond to the Taranaki. much like any other person i've ever spoken to about this type of idea he can only produce platitudes and the like, or little analogies about his time growing up there.
probably most interestingly though, i think i insulted him! it seems that questioning kiwis about their roots, and pointing out that they're actually very similar to the british (though far from exactly the same as) only seems to upset them.
this question comes from the recent mallard speech i harped on about the other week, and this article by sandra paterson. what fascinates me is that i also come from the town she is talking about, but my idea of what that place is, and what being from there constitutes, is very different.
but does that mean that either of our versions are any more valid?
the thing is, talking about your 'roots' usually runs into all kinds of platitudes, and wishy-washy idealisations about what are otherwise very banal things and places.
and that's the key i think, the banality of it all. these places just sit there being until someone like sandra uses them to prevent herself from being politically estranged. what frightens me is the thought that this new indigenous movement in nz is something that will further isolate maori by undermining their status as tangata whenua.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

hee hee

ok, so i'm having trouble thinking about anything other than wanting to chuckle because the housemate is storming around the house in a hissy fit. now, i'd like to sympathise, but its his fault that i woke him up at 8.15am.
thing is, the poor bloke gets up at 6am every day to go and do a breakfast bus for kids off an estate over in prahan. which means he leaves the house everyday at about 6.30am. i know exactly what time he leaves because he wakes me up evry single day.... to be honest, i know he's trying to be quiet, but he simply has no idea how to. you know? some people just can't walk quietly?
anyhow, so this morning i tried to access my fabulous broadband service from telstra (which will be ditched for a cheaper service the second my contract expires....), and couldn't. it seems that mr housemate forgot to unplug the unfiltered phone he uses to talk to his missus in nz.
now, anyone would think. hmmm. i know che needs to use his broadband every morning because he is an internet junkie. i should then unplug my phone so he doesn't stop me getting my only sleep in all week. yes. i will unplug the phone when i have finished my phone sex so that i can sleep in the morning. yes. a good idea.
but no.
ah well.

Friday, August 13, 2004

a post full of cliches

ok, so i've had my little tanty and now i'm back on an even keel.
i should have just faced facts and realised that this past relationship had "you will be dumped" written all over it. i was telling myself that from the beginning, but it was still a shock when it happened.
most likely this is because i can't find any good reason why it ended? everything seemed fine, but then the first time there's any change we've suddenly 'grown apart', and things 'weren't going anywhere'. which is shorthand for "i want to move on, sorry, you're in the way". now, all this flies in the face of my caution to not put any pressure on her to stay with me for the 5 months we were together.
knowing that she was younger than me i thought it was silly to try and tie her down, because it would make me look like the desperate old bloke trying to get a trophy wife (she's 22 if you don't already know). so, i reckon that if i had been putting pressure on her for us to "make a life together", she would have put me off with a line "i'm not ready for committment right now".
what this all boils down to is that she made a stubborn decision to leave me within two days of getting back form overseas. two days. not even enough time to get over the jet lag, and nothing i could do would stop it. and, everything she has said to me since then has been some or other fabricated excuse to not put any effort into making it work again.
even when it did look like it was back on track, she sidestepped the very next day and put me out in the cold again. ridiculous.
so lets hear it for getting on with life.
i'm going to get into internet dating.... maybe i can meet someone who isn't a damn liar.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

love stinks

lets hear it for keeping it real. love stinks. there's something to be said for falling for a self-centred brat.
now, i know that i said only last week that i though things were back on track, but they clearly aren't. as soon as they looked like they were she backed off and left me out in the open again. its final. she made up her mind within a day of being back that it was over, and i really just wasted a month trying to convince her she was being too hasty!
but the fact of the matter is that she is just plain selfish, and this whole "i need to be by myself" bullshit is a smokescreen. i took down a comment where i said she'd be with someone else by the 18th august? i'm restating it here....
me? ditched. again.

those pesky terrorism warnings

i've had to agree with moore since 'bowling for columbine' that americans are a scared bunch of not-so-little people. a country awash with guns, and they can't work out why people spend so much time murdering one another.
anyhow. the next conspiracy theory is the omnipresent terror warnings. has anyone else ben suspicious that they're just a way to drum up support for the administration? Well, be accused of paranoia no longer! this site has a nifty little graph correlating bushes popularity and terror warnings.
it will be interesting to find some feedback thatproves or disproves it. my instinct tells me its true.
time will tell.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

betchadupa?

just go an see them. trust me.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

a bunch of greedy texas christo-fascists

lets hear it for bob ellis, a bloke who's written a book that takes the piss out of everyone. his description of the current US administration is humorous to my mind.
lets hear it for people not being afraid to speak their minds.
unless that is you're the kind of people who do what those guys did to the jewish graves in makara. wankers.
me? i'll state for the record that i'm opposed to the isreali government and their attitude to palestinians. look, if i was living in new zealand and a bunch of religious fanatics turned up on my doorstep saying, hi, we have this nifty religious book that says that your land is actually ours, please leave. i'd tell them to piss off too.
but that doesn't mean i get to hate isrealis or jews. politics and respect are too very different things.

Monday, August 09, 2004


as vain as this is (thanks james...) this is the only way i can figure out to get this picture online so i can use it as a profile snap.
love that mustache though.

damn thesis....

ok, so i realised that all this agonising over the lovelife has substantially slowed down my progress. today i have to finish an entire chapter and get into action on the next by the end of the week. if i haven't got both these squared away by the end of the month i am fucked, if you'll excuse my french.
as well as the article i have to substantially revise for Arena Journal, i am going to be a busy little boy.

and, am thinking seriously about to nzl once this is all wound up. marcus, if you reading this, can you set me up a decent job in wellington?

Sunday, August 08, 2004

damn computers.....

so i learnt the hard way yesterday about instaling dodgy software on the pc....
had been getting a reoccurring blue screen of death, and was in the process of consulting a help board when the system imploded. and i mean imploded, the registry ate itself and the system folder disappeared.
the really interesting thing was how easy it was to do a complete format and reinstall XP. truly amazing.
now all i need to do is get my lovelife to do the same....

Friday, August 06, 2004

my new hero

if you can't get to watch "the mighty boosh", unlucky you. this show is maybe the funniest thing on TV.
howard moon, one of the zookeepers on the show (its like the goodies on peyote says the adverts), is an anal retentive weirdo, but vince, his offsider with the perfect hair is maybe my hero.
best quote? "i like stupid girls, one's who're into shiny things, dancing, and soft fabric".

Thursday, August 05, 2004

blogger fever

i think i may have been right without realising it about blogs being the commodity of choice for the 21century person.
read a very funny coumn by damian christie this morning on publicaddress, and i think i'm going to have to steal his idea of referring to an interesting column and linking it back to his own. got a giggle out of me that one.
and, just to honk my own horn again, i'm told that i'll be on the site again sometime today, which i'm looking forward to.
mind you, i'd give up the paparazzi and glamour of publicaddress to feel like i have some damn traction on the thesis chapter i'm writing. annoying damn piece of shyte it is.....

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

maybe its' 'kiwi'

just got an email from russell, and i think i might have uncovered my own answer in the reply.
maybe the term should be 'kiwi'. if you've been around long enough to appreciate the word, you're probably an authentic new zealander, either maori or pakeha?

so here's a picture of me, andrea and richard during their last stop in aussie. must have been april?

this indigenous thing

mallards comments have me thinking now. and it seems i'm not the only one, the editorials and commentaries seem to be full of this kind of thing.
when do you become indigenous? i noticed that the greens' definition provided in parliament went down like a lead balloon, and it's the official one. but the issue is very real. maori are indigenous because they were there before the colonials. its really the contrast, no the status, that makes the definition work.
at the same time though, my family has been in nz for many generations, and we should have some kind of claim to indigeneity. but how can you do that without undermining the 'special' status of maori?
my cousin matt will of course put that one down to me actually being maori. but having one maori ancestor inthe 1850s doesn't make me feel very indigenous, while remembering growing up in sight of the papamoa hills does. its a tricky thing.
what we need is some kind of recognition of new zealanders (as opposed to tangata whenua) nation-building themselves into indigeneity, but still distinct from maori-as-indigenous.
its a damn shame rednecks of nay number of generations don't like to be called 'pakeha', because its a good local term for them. maybe thats the problem though, using a maori word seems to threaten their claim to indigeneity? the contrast proves their claim is relative to maori being there first. hence, 'tauiwi' is also rejected.
i wonder if there's a good english word, other than 'colonist'.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

never one to shoot my mouth off......

ok, so i'm worried that i'm jumping the gun, but things might just be back on track with 'me julie'. let's hear it for good advice from friends (i.e. dude.... just chill the fuck out...) and quiet patience.
it goes to show, you can't beat the affection of a good woman, and its always worth putting up a fight for.

and speaking of shooting one's mouth off. we went to see fahrenheit 911 yesterday. for starters let me say that i'm glad it was cheap day at the nova. michael doesn't need more than $5 of my money, and it wasn't worth more than that.
maybe the only interesting thing it would have shown about the bush situation is that things aren't peachy in iraq. other than that its mostly information anyone who has been paying attention to doccos here in australia would be familiar with. but, if it gets rid of that pencil-necked drunk then good.
i think that it was about half-hour too long. the bit in the middle where moore kind of manipulates this poor woman into admitting than she encouraged her son to join the military, then flies her to the white house to confront her demons about him dying in the line of duty was a little galling.
the only really interesting information to me was the extra links between the bush family and the saudis. but, if you're not an avid docco watcher, this is exactly the kind of alternative viewpoint that you should be getting. just don't go buying anything explosive afterwards.

Monday, August 02, 2004

some things never change

was in the supermarket the other day waiting in line and spotted a bloke buying razors, and rather sheepishly for what is a pretty mundane item. i realised the problem when he quickly snatched a packet of rubbers and snuck into line, probably with the intention of getting them through the checkout with minimum fuss.
not wanting to miss a chance to take the piss i turned and told him that all he needed was a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates and he's set. his reply "yeah, you know they're special when you bother to shave".
ah. blokes. the salt of the earth.
thsi moment of mutually respecting masculinity was interrupted by a 'lady' behind us in line FREAKING OUT because the line wasn't moving fast enough. behind her was another woman who was happy just to wait, but this old biddy was totally loosing it.
as it happened the person in line in front of me was using a credit card, and the EFTPOS machine was kaput (which happens at piedmontes) from time to time. the cashier was doing the best she could, but it being monday afternoon there were few staff rostered on.
why in the hell a person like that comes to piedmontes and expects fast and efficient service, or a well organised shelving system is totally beyond me. that little explore through the overstacked and choatic aisles is part of the experience.
so, while me and this geezer were joking around about his purchases this lady was literally yelling at the person in from of me, the cashier, the lady behind her, slamming her shopping basket down, letting out sighs of exasperation and generally acting like a damn nut.
and then i produced a visa to pay for my purchases.

hee hee.